My son’s birth was a whirlwind. My wife and I were convinced he was going to be late. But Carew was born 10 days early. He was no longer an idea or a dream in our head but a very real and present boy.
Not minutes after his birth, a nurse whisked him off. Laying him on a table she measured his length, weight, and head size. She reported these numbers to us. Not only the plain numbers. But we were told where he was in comparison to all the other newborns.
At first, I found it great that he was heavier, longer, and had a bigger head than most other babies during these check-ins. I felt like that meant something good about my parenting. We were keeping him healthy.
Now, in my son’s 11th month, we have entered a gauntlet of milestones, weigh-ins, and firsts, from rolling over, to crawling, to first steps, first syllables, and first words. And as we reach these benchmarks of development w (both early and “late”), I have begun to question this way of living with my son. This constant drive of the world to measure and compare.
A thief of Joy
The inclination to compare our babies, and children as they grow feels deeply lacking in the joy of being a father to my son. As a Pre-K to Grade 5 teacher, I am familiar with how these measurements, milestones, and comparisons will only continue and intensify.
As a teacher, I am growing weary of this structure.
As a parent, I want to toss it all out the window and never look back.
I don’t want to be watching my son exuberantly crawling across our floor to the next thing that has caught his eye, and thinking, ‘shouldn’t he be walking by now?’ I don’t want to miss the joy of his babbling while wondering if he shouldn’t be saying a word or two by now?
Children are our future?
Children will indeed grow and become adults. But if children are anything, they are the present. My son is not a future lawyer or doctor. He is this moment. He is the silly sound two forks make, the awe of the airplanes overhead, and the intriguing sound of the vacuum.
When I begin to worry about Carew’s progress it takes me out of his present. When I compare and rank his growth I ignore his full humanity.
Carew doesn’t care that other babies are walking by now. He feels no pride that his head is larger than most. He explores the world in his own time and way. He grows and progresses in his time frame.
I want to be in this present with him. I have nowhere else to be.
Aaron Skjerseth is a father, writer, and teacher in Minneapolis. More of his writing can found on his blog at www.aaronskjerseth.wordpress.com
