Families celebrate Adoption Day
Whether they call it "Gotcha Day," "Adoption Day," or "Family Day," the anniversary of a child's adoption is cause for a family celebration. Parents recall the joy and excitement of adding the child to the family, and children enjoy hearing their stories and receiving special attention. "For Anna, it's like having two birthdays," says Nancy Malchow of Orono. In addition to Anna, who's 7 1/2, Nancy and husband Scott are the proud parents of Sarah, 2 1/2. Both girls were adopted from China as infants.
In most families, it's de rigueur to spend time looking at the treasured photo albums that capture the stories of Adoption Day, and to share memories of the first time parent(s) and child met. Some families talk about the process of adopting and their child's life before joining the family.
"We have three birth children and two adopted children, so we try to include the whole family in the celebrations," says Leslee Jaeger of Plymouth. The Jaegers start by looking at photo albums of their daughters' journey into the family, "and we spend time going through the boxes of their mementoes-the clothes they were wearing when we met, foreign money, my journal of the time we spent in each country, and some of their first toys. We end the day with a family trip to a Korean or Chinese restaurant, where we give them a small gift of a book or ethnic toy." Leslee, whose daughter Kendra, 6, was adopted from Korea and Molly, 4, from China, says that her daughters' godparents are sometimes invited to the celebrations, and adds, "The girls enjoy being the center of attention-that's special when there are five kids in the family!"
Extended family is always included in the celebrations Steve and Carol Jackson of Minneapolis plan for their daughters Elizabeth, 3 1/2 and Julia, 2, both adopted from Russia. "We treat it a lot like a birthday, with some presents, a cake, and balloons," says Steve. Carol adds, "We also watch videos of the trip, including when we met Elizabeth." Elizabeth, who joined the Jackson family at the age of 1, is a veteran of Adoption Day celebrations; Julia just joined the family this summer, so her "big day" is yet to come. One thing's for certain, though: Steve's parents, who traveled with the family to bring Julia home (and give Elizabeth some extra attention), will be an important part of the celebration.
Marilyn Johnson of Minneapolis starts talking about "Gotcha Day" a couple of weeks ahead of time with her daughters, 8 and 4, both adopted from China. "They like to hear the stories about my trip over, and when we first saw each other," Marilyn says. "They think it's real special-they are very proud. My younger one walked around saying, 'It's my day.'" Along with going to dinner at a Chinese restaurant with grandparents, aunt, and cousins, the child being honored chooses a special activity; this year, the younger daughter chose for the family to see the Children's Theatre's production of Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle.
Karen and Mark Meuwissen of Alexandria have three children: Beth, 13, adopted domestically in a semiopen adoption; Jacob, 2 1/2, adopted from Guatemala; and Ryan, 13 months, adopted from Korea. Karen says that her boys are too young to appreciate the significance of an Adoption Day celebration, but "Beth loves that we celebrate her Adoption Day," says Karen. "She chooses a special meal or to go out for dinner." The day also includes gifts, looking at pictures from that time, and retelling the adoption story. Karen says that when the boys are old enough, their celebrations may include special foods associated with their birth countries-a challenge in greater Minnesota.
The Malchow family all dresses in red on "Gotcha Day" because red is a special color in Chinese culture-it represents good fortune or luck. "And we are all so lucky or blessed to have Anna and Sarah in our lives," Nancy says, adding, "As Anna's godfather, Jim Gamboni, pointed out to her at her last Gotcha dinner, 'I am wearing red tonight, too Anna, because I'm so lucky to have you as my goddaughter!' "
In addition to dressing in red, there's something else that's unique about the Malchows' celebrations. Though Nancy and Scott traveled to China together to adopt Anna, Scott went alone to bring Sarah home-and to commemorate that, Scott and Sarah have a private dinner on the anniversary of the day they first met. The family celebration occurs on the day Scott and Sarah arrived home from China.
When it comes right down to it, it doesn't really matter when families celebrate (on the day the met their child or on the day the adoption was finalized) and whether they have a party at home or go out for ethnic food. What's important is that children who joined their families through adoption feel like they belong. Weaving family "Adoption Day" traditions into the fabric of family life is just one way to help accomplish that.
