Whether your boy is a rough-and-tumble player or a thoughtful thinker on the sidelines, his growth and development is on a different timeline than his sister’s. Parents need to be persistent and consistent in helping him develop impulse control, as well as teaching him social skills and respect. These are developmental issues that must be learned; they don’t just hatch in one day. These skills are learned over time, of course, and in the beginning, parents need to be intentional about teaching these skills for later peer and classroom success.
Unstructured play is most important during early childhood since this is the means through which they gain an understanding of the world around them. Pretend or imaginative play directly affects cognitive, social, and psychological development. Boys have big energy, and they are most often kinetic learners. They need to feel it, touch it, and even bite it! Children will often mimic or imitate the behavior of adults or other children around them in their play. Girls will most often imitate their mothers, and boys want to be just like their dads. It’s not uncommon for your prekindergarten boy to pretend shave or choose clothes that look like Dad’s.
Our job is providing our boys with a safe place to spend this big energy. Bulldozing their sibling or friend is just not okay. They need us to set limits and hold the line. It’s okay to play hard, but keep in mind playing fair. Add hugs after a play session. Hugs are displays of affection that help build confidence and self-esteem.
We are their role models, and it is our responsibility to set and teach the rules of play. All games have rules: wrestling, basketball, baseball, football, and hockey. What are the rules? Where are they posted? What happens if a rule is broken? Who’s the referee? Remember, you are. So, hang a whistle on your neck, and get to it!
Sighing and saying “boys will be boys” is just not an excuse for inappropriate, impulsive, disrespectful behavior. Boys deserve to be taught respect and coached respectfully. The time and energy you invest in teaching and coaching now will pay off big time as your son grows. Boys will push the edge hard. And while the edges may seem insignificant now, they grow with your child. Boys need to know that you will hold firm when they feel the need to test your limits. Remember, without proper guidance, boys may always be “boys,” no matter their actual age. It’s your job to give them the foundation to be kind, just, and cooperative with others, so they can become men.
Vicki Thrasher Cronin is the director of community and civic engagement at Ready 4 K. She is an award-winning parent educator who has worked in the field of early childhood care and education for nearly 30 years.
