One of the frustrating things about listening to a lot of kids’ music is the ubiquitous faux rock song on far too many records. Typically, the number will open with something that resembles an actual rock drum beat, then there will be quasi-distorted guitar wonking that wants to be rock music, and then the band chimes in with a “Whoo!” or “Yeah!” here and there. Confidential note to musicians: a randomly placed “Whoo!” or “Yeah!” does not by itself create a credible rock song.
This introductory material is all just as convincing as the rock ‘n’ roll grit of Sha Na Na at Woodstock. I always feel like what I’m about to hear is the product of some sort of How to Write a Rock Song for Dummies book, and it’d be more at home at a Lutheran potluck or played 14 times daily at ValleyFair! (yes, ValleyFair! Has! That! Exclamation! Point!) than at First Avenue.
So this month, I’d like to share with you a few family-oriented rock bands who actually, y’know, listen to rock music. These are not lullaby CDs; they’re not background CDs; they’re not a way to settle down. These are for when you want to push the furniture against the wall and move. (Watch out for the corner of that coffee table, by the way. Hit it and you’ll split your head wide open.)
CandyBand: CandyBand is made up of four Detroit-area moms, and has appeared at Lollapalooza, the Vans Warped Tour, and at countless regional gigs. They just released their fourth record, Calling All Kids, and it’s their best yet. CandyBand takes their hometown heritage seriously and play some scorching Ramones- and Stooges-influenced rock that just happens to be great fun for kids. On Calling All Kids, the band is bold enough to cover a song by Raffi (yes, Raffi) – “Down by the Bay” – and by the end, you’re certain it was written to rock, not soothe. |(Candyband.com)
The Thunderlords: The Thunderlords bill themselves as the “first metal band for kids,” and posit that they sound like what you’d get “if The Wiggles met Rob Zombie backstage at a Gwar concert and decided to form a band together.” While you’re working to get that image out of your mind, I’ll vouch for them: it really is metal for kids, complete with huge booming drums, heavy distorted guitars, and raspy vocals. While it’s not a CD we pull out daily or even weekly, there are times when you need nothing more than a heavy metal version of “Old MacDonald” (here “Old Man Olaf”) or the original “I Like Dirt” (with the immortal lyrics, “I like dirt and dirt likes me/I Like the mud stuck in my teeth”). If you ever feel the need to bang your head and would like to share that moment with your offspring, this is your band. (Thunderlords.com)
Ernie & Neal: This Philadelphia duo (with backing band) dabbles in a lot of genres but seems most comfortable when playing big rocking songs and power ballads that would fit nicely between Zeppelin and Bachman Turner Overdrive on classic rock radio. But even if you’re more in the left-of-the-dial crowd, their new album Rock the House has some songs you’ll enjoy: “Hooligan” is a terrific ska-tinged rocker, and “My Life” illustrates what would have happened if the Velvet Underground had Fred Rogers as an inspiration instead of Andy Warhol. (ErnieAndNeal.com)
Other rocking picks: Professor Presley (SoCal-punk-tinged history, ProfessorPresley.com); RTTs (bar band rock for kids, RTTKids.com); Teacher & the Rockbots (modern rock educational songs, TeacherAndTheRockbots.com); Rockosaurus Rex (dinosaurs who rock out, RockosaurusRex.com); AudraRox (poppy, punky fun from Brooklyn, AudraRox.com).
Bill Childs is a law professor in western Massachusetts who hails from Minnesota. He and his 7-year-old daughter produce a kids’ music radio show, “Spare the Rock, Spoil the Child,” weekly; check it out at
SpareTheRock.com. Contact him at show@sparetherock.com and tell him other artists he should know about.
