QUESTION: In the last few months my 7-year-old son has begun not wanting to get out of bed in the morning for school. It takes 15-20 minutes to get him up. He says he is too comfortable in bed and too tired to get up. His performance at school is good, and he doesn’t seem to mind going to school. He is a dawdler by nature, so everything takes a bit longer. I have incorporated an earlier bedtime. How else can I motivate him to get moving in the morning without both of us becoming frustrated?
ANSWER: I can understand your son’s reluctance to get out from under the covers, especially on these chilly winter mornings. But it also sounds like he’s learned that you will take responsibility for getting him up. Maybe it’s time to give some of the responsibility back to him and to redefine your own role as that of supporter and encourager. Start by brainstorming with your son about ways to ease the problem. See what creative ideas he can offer, and suggest a few of your own. For example, he might decide he needs an even earlier bedtime so that he’s not so tired in the morning. And to make the morning more manageable, he might choose to place his clothes on a chair right next to his bed and have his school materials ready in a backpack by the front door. Let your son know that he is going to be responsible for getting up on his own, then show him how to use an alarm clock. Since he seems to need a 15-minute “grace period” after waking up, it might help to set two clocks: one next to his bed that he can turn off before spending a few more minutes under the covers and another across the room set for 15 minutes later so he has to get up to turn it off. Tell him you’ll have his favorite breakfast ready 10 minutes later, giving him time to pull on his clothes and get to the kitchen.
As part of your bedtime routine each night, read a story together and then set the alarms. When you tuck in your son, tell him you look forward to seeing him get up on his own in the morning. Let him know you believe he can do it.
When he gets up on his own and shows up on time for breakfast, give him a big hug and tell him how proud you are of the way he’s taking responsibility. Then sit down and enjoy a meal together.
After a few days, ask your son how he thinks the plan is working and decide together how to make adjustments as necessary. But if the problem continues – and especially if it only happens on school days – look further into what’s going on at school. Even for a child whose academic performance is acceptable, reluctance to get up in the morning can be an indicator of anxiety about schoolwork, strained relations with classmates, or difficulty with a teacher.
Martha Erickson, Ph.D. is a professor at the University of Minnesota and senior fellow with the Children’s Youth & Family Consortium. She also hosts the radio show “Good Enough Moms” with her daughter Erin, Saturday afternoons on WFMP-FM 107.
