Teenagers haven't cornered the market on the occasional "freak out" when it comes to twists and turns along the road of life. That's one of the more reassuring messages in a new book called Life Freaks Me Out: And Then I Deal With It, by K.L. Hong. Life never stops doling out surprises, disappointments, and relationship troubles, but according to Hong, the secret to success is knowing how to navigate the pitfalls and how to grab opportunities for growth and change wherever they may lie.
Hong, who is in her 40s, based the book on challenges in her life as a teenager: not fitting in with the popular group in high school, being a follower when it came to alcohol and drug use, having conflicts with her parents, and simply trying to find her place in the world. In an early chapter, Hong writes about the value of discovering her own truths: "There were lots of places to look for them if I didn't find them out in the world, I could find them within myself. I've been working on that for almost 30 years, and am still working on it, with help from other people a lot of struggle through making mistakes and learning the hard way."
Teens are likely to think that once they reach adulthood, everything will go their way at all times. All former teens, including Hong, can firmly attest that that is not remotely true. The strength of this book lies in its open, conversational tone-as Hong shares memories of a failed marriage, a recent break-up with a boyfriend, and the impact of her father's death, she never preaches or speaks condescendingly to teen readers: "Yes, there has been pain and confusion and hurt and anger in my various relationships," she writes candidly. "I see now that my relationships and my view of them sometimes get out of balance." She talks about the value of keeping friendship and independence in check, and how important it was for her as a teenager to have "good, caring people to talk things over with."
In a chapter called "If You Want to Be Happy, Find What You Love to Do," Hong addresses a typical teen concern: What should I do with my life? I've got a 15-year-old son who's been known to ponder that question once or twice, so I asked him what he took away from reading this chapter. "It's important to do something that makes you happy, for sure," he said. "If it brings a lot of money, that's a definite bonus." (Hong comes down on the side of happiness, but it's not surprising a teenage boy would tap into the money angle.)
Hong writes about fulfilling her dream to observe dolphins in Hawaii, experiencing the thrill and majesty of these beautiful creatures. I asked my son if he had similar aspirations. Without missing a beat, he said, "I want to climb Mt. Everest. It would be very hard, but very fun. I know I'd need to plan to make it happen."
My son said he enjoyed the book, adding, "It's like someone's just talking to me about their life and what they've learned." Never mind that this wisdom comes from a woman who's the same age as his mother-who has been told more than once that she doesn't really know what she's talking about. Sigh.
Life Freaks Me Out: And Then I Deal with It
By K.L. Hong
Search Institute Publications
$9.95, 160 pages, paperback
ISBN 1-57482-856-8
K. L. Hong is executive editor at Search Institute, a Minneapolis-based nonprofit that conducts research on how communities can support children, publishes a wide range of books and reports, and brings together community leaders to build networks around the country. For more information, visit www.search-institute.org
