In just four short years, a high school freshman undergoes a transformation that rivals the first four years of his or her life, when every year was a different stage filled with unique joys and challenges. Physically, emotionally, academically, and socially, the high school years are the true launching pad for a teenager's future, complete with the occasional misfires before take-off can be truly realized.
Dr. Michael Riera, the California-based author of Uncommon Sense for Parents with Teenagers, says teens spend the high school years finding their footing by establishing friendships, broadening their personal vision, and slowly but surely preparing for the inevitable break from their parents. "When your child is a freshman in high school, he'll probably still tell you that he loves you," says Riera, adding you might not hear that phrase as often during those middle high school years. "By the time he's a senior, he'll be saying it again, but as he's on his way out the door to meet his friends."
Here are some general ideas about how most teenagers progress through each stage of the high school years:
Freshman year: Having gone from being the oldest in middle school to the youngest in high school can be overwhelming. "Freshmen haven't found their place in the school yet," Riera says. One of the biggest challenges occurs in the lunchroom where your freshman will be anxious to find a group of friends to sit with every day. It's all about finding ways to fit in and friends who share common likes and dislikes, he says.
Sophomore year: "This is an existential year. The sophomore is really questioning-the meaning of life, authority, the big picture," claims Riera. Social life becomes even more important, and there are often changes occurring in friendship groups-some dissolve, while others grow stronger.
Junior year: This is a year most students enjoy, Riera says, because they are settled into the school environment. Many hold leadership positions on sports teams or in clubs/organizations. This is a year wherein a certain amount of independence is granted, courtesy of a driver's license. It's also a point when some teenagers take more risks socially, in terms of drug and alcohol use. "While many may have experimented before this year, now some social patterns can start to happen and habits may develop," Riera cautions.
Senior year: This is really two years in one, according to Riera. The first half of the year is all about the future as post-high school plans are being made, whether this means attending college or entering the work force. "Completing college applications is almost like taking another class," he says. "Kids are working hard in school, too, and it's a very stressful time." For that reason, many seniors have high expectations for the second half of the year. "They perceive it as a time to sit back and relax, enjoy time with their friends," Riera says.
It's also important for high school seniors to know they have made their mark on the school community in some way. When he was teaching high school, Riera, currently the headmaster of a K-8 school, says he made it a point to offer a personal observation to each senior at some point before graduation. "I'd tell one that I was going to miss his laughter, or another that I was going to miss her challenging questions in class," says Riera. "They need to know they are going to be remembered."
Parents tend to feel lost in the shuffle in the whirlwind of their senior's social activity, but Riera says your teenager should always feels
welcome to participate in family events, even if he seems to want to bow out of them. "I think if they join you 10 percent of the time, you're doing okay," Riera says.
Over the course of the summer, as the countdown to departure for college really begins, Riera suggests that parents be attuned to their child's concerns about this next step. "What you'll hear during the day is how excited they are and how they can't wait to go," he explains. "Around bedtime, reservations and fears often start to emerge. It's a good idea to plan to be available to talk with them-and listen-as much as possible."
For More Information
Uncommon Sense for Parents with Teenagers
(Revised Edition) by Michael Riera, Ph.D.
Tenspeed Press $14.95 ISBN 1587612240
Available at local booksellers, or visit www.tenspeed.com.
