Your children are the single greatest investment you will ever make in the future. Ever thought about that? For about 18 years, your children will insist On frequent deposits of love, energy, money, and guidance. Parenting is a long-term investment portfolio.
Parenting is not an armchair event. It is a full-time job — the most important one you will ever have and the one for which you are least prepared! I know you know this and are carrying this heavy load on your shoulders and in your heart.
Every day, as I meet with parent groups, I am struck by how seriously parents do take their jobs. Parents see themselves as solely responsible for successfully bringing up their children. Recently, it has occurred to me that, while parents get together to learn about child development and parenting strategies and to support each other, each parent or parenting set is driven to decode the magic formula that will make parenting easier, better, in its own way.
I haven’t found the code yet, but I want to share some thoughts that you might find helpful as you make your multiple daily deposits in your children.
1. Whether you are parenting alone or in pairs or extended generations, it is critical that you clarify your values, spell out with your children what it is that is really, really important. (These are the issues for which you will go to the mat.) Write them down, hang them up and share them with family, friends, etc.
2. Children need to know who is in charge at all times. When you’re the one holding the reins, driving the team, be sure that the kids know. Wear a special hat or whistle — some item that adds a little fun, drama and visually identifies the boss.
3. If you are single or coparenting, make peace with your own resentments and anger regarding the other parent or parents. Adult relationship issues do not belong to the children. Children have the right to loving relationships with each parent without sticky, gooey, spillover adult emotions getting in the way. Seek counseling if necessary. The kids are worth it.
4. Every family has an abundance of assets. Find them, list them, and celebrate them. Share them with others and ask others to share theirs with you. While the grass may seem greener in another family, there are weeds there, too!
5. Make a realistic schedule. Put it on a calendar and stick to it. Don’t pretend there will be time for something that’s not been scheduled. You don’t “get time.” You have to make time! Make sure you schedule plenty of time for sleep, which is crucial to success for everyone.
6. Seek out other families to share fun and swap child care tasks. Often, having extra kids in the house actually makes parenting easier. Plan indoor camping events, bring in big cardboard boxes and build connecting houses, neighborhoods, and forts.
One day, not too very long from now, the kids will be visiting you, perhaps bringing their kids along. Your investment will provide you with an amazing sense of pride and fulfillment. Today — every day — is a deposit in the investment of the future. Everything you do today with your children is important. Everything. Slow down. Be intentional. Look into their faces and feel the love. It’ll keep you going.
Vicki Thrasher Cronin has worked in early childhood education for 30 years.
