Would you marry the same person all over again? I hope so. But, if you have to stop to think about your answer to that question, then here are some things you can do today to elicit a more immediate positive response. The first thing to do is to consciously choose the right words and actions to infuse your relationship with mutual respect, appreciation, companionship, and intimacy.
The second action to take—which is often overlooked—is to uphold the “right” state of mind. By doing this, you will build and maintain love in your life because the right state of mind produces the spirit of good karma to nourish your relationship.
My spirit of good karma
One night a while ago, I had the opportunity to add good karma to my marriage. My husband was out at fundraiser at a beer garden. I was certain he was enjoying himself. I was at home with our two kids. Our three-year-old son, Blake, had recently developed a rash on his behind, and although it was healing, it was very itchy. Then, Blake scratched it repetitively while in the bathroom by himself. It started bleeding, a lot. He cried for me to come in. At first I tried to figure out if it was internal or external blood. It was external, but even so, Blake was in pain and bleeding. I struggled with what to put on the cuts. I tried a bunch of things, all while working to prevent Blake from scratching more. He was crying. I was very upset—but my husband wasn’t, because he was out eating and drinking with the guys, unaware of the turmoil at home.
In the midst of this, it was time to put our infant daughter, Emma, to bed. I bathed and fed her, and buckled her into the swing. I returned to Blake, who had settled down and fallen asleep on the couch. The episode was exhausting and stressful for both of us. I finished up Emma’s bedtime and breathed a sigh of relief.
What now? Do I call my husband to tell him what happened? Do I ask him to come home now thinking that Blake might wake up crying and in pain? If he doesn’t pick up his cell phone, do I leave a voicemail telling him to call me immediately because it is important? Do I give him the news that would instantly turn his night around from good to bad? Do I allow my stress to give me an excuse to yell at him for not being home when I needed him most?
What choice did I make? My heart and spirit of good karma took control and told me the right answers to these questions/ “Leave him be. Let him enjoy himself. He is a good father and there is nothing he can do now to improve the situation.” Certainly, I could handle a few more hours until he came home. I chose to view his absence that night as a reminder of his importance to our family and the love and support his presence gives me. So, the next morning I told him what happened and how his absence made me realize how helpful he is at calming things down and caring for our kids.
Sometimes, good karma is created when you consciously choose to give your mate a break from the tumult of family life. Other times, you can build up karma simply by the act of looking at the crumbs your mate left on the table and then without yelling about the mess say, “Let me clean that up for you.”
A little bit of good karma goes a long way to create a ripple effect that inspires love and kindness in a relationship.
Editor’s note/ This is Laurie Puhn’s last column for Minnesota Parent. She has chosen to take her career onto a different path. We wish her well.
Laurie Puhn is a lawyer, couples mediator, TV personality on CNN, Fox News and Good Morning America, and author of Fight Less, Love More/ 5-Minute Conversations to Change Your Relationship Without Blowing Up or Giving In. Visit lauriepuhn.com.
