I always thought I would send my children to Catholic schools, because I attended them for most of my education. But for various reasons, I don't. So attending to their religious development is my job. And no, watching “Sister Act” on the VCR doesn't count.
My Catholic faith is quite important to me - although some days you really shouldn't ask me why, given all the bad press my church manages to earn these days. Besides, the dogmatic insistence that we Roman Catholics have a corner on the “one true faith” disturbs me in this world devastated by religious conflict. Still, I think there is a spiritual core worth passing on to my children. At times, such as my mother's death; Sept. 11, 2001; or when I have simply had a hard week, my faith practices remind me that I exist in a context larger than myself and my feelings. I want my children to experience the same opportunity for renewal and inspiration and forgiveness - and yes, belonging.
And that's a good goal, according to experts on the importance of spiritual well-being for young people. The SEARCH Institute includes regular involvement in a religious community among 40 Developmental Assets for adolescents. (See the complete list at www.search-institute.org/assets/ forty.html.) Such a connection may also promote other assets from the list, including service to others, positive adult role models, and support from three or more nonparent adults.
Exactly, says Forest Lake High School Principal Steve Massey, whose doctoral research examined the relationship between spirituality and resilience in at-risk kids. He found a predictive, though not causal, relationship between spirituality, defined as having “a sense of purpose, sense of meaning, and sense of hope,” and resilience, or exhibiting “academic competence, behavioral competence, and social competence.” What this means, not only for at-risk kids but for all kids, is that those who possess one set of qualities are likely to possess the other set.
“I am not a religious fundamentalist,” says Massey, “where it has to be this religious dogma or belief or kids are going to be in trouble. I do think, though, that youngsters need to understand they are part of a bigger picture, that their life has meaning and purpose. That is really important, [knowing] that there are people beyond them who are wise, people beyond them who need help.”
But you won't be surprised to know that my children occasionally balk at going to church, especially on Sundays when we have a laundry list of add-on activities: choir, meetings, and classes.
“I don't want to be in church from 9 in the morning until 1 in the afternoon,” complains my 10-year-old. Besides, she isn't sure she buys into the Catholic thing. Maybe, she tells me, she's meant to be a Methodist.
I shouldn't worry, says Minneapolis Pastor Rob Norris-Weber, who divides his time between the hip Spirit Garage, where it's okay to bring your dog and sip coffee during Sunday services, and more traditional youth ministry at Bethlehem Lutheran Church. If a kid wants to explore a different religious tradition than her family's, parents should not only allow it but support her honest inquiry. “I think if you don't engage that, you're in trouble,” says Norris-Weber. “Because students will take that as ‘Well, what are you afraid of, what are you not telling us?' Or, ‘You don't trust me.'”
In fact, Bethlehem confirmation students explore Judaism at nearby Temple Israel and Islam at a Muslim center in Fridley.
He advises parents: “We'll never make society safe for children. It never has been; never will be. But one goal is to make children safe for society [by allowing] them to stretch, grow, and learn. When you do that, you will have a child much better off to participate in the fullness of this world without getting lost in it.”
