When my stepson was younger, his father and I would spend one afternoon a few days before Christmas each year, helping him sort through all of his toys and games. "Do you still play with this," we would ask, "or can we give it to someone who doesn't have so many toys?"
The thought of children not having any toys to play with at Christmas was always enough to get him to part with at least a grocery bag full of items, which we would donate to charity. A win/win for everyone, this ritual not only helped unclutter his room before the onslaught of Christmas gifts each year, but it taught him, from a young age, the importance of giving to those less fortunate.
Now that my stepson has hit adolescence, there aren't many toys to sort. But as he ventures into the quagmire of hormones, self-doubt, and identity through which every teenager must pass, it is even more important that he remembers to value what he has and to give of himself where he can. That's why I signed us up to cook and serve dinner at a women's shelter.
The idea of spending an evening in a homeless shelter wasn't met with much enthusiasm from my stepson at first. However, as we talked about what it would be like to have no place to live and how nice it would be to provide a home-cooked meal for this group of people, his resistance softened. I put him in charge of dessert.
When we arrived at the shelter on our appointed evening, my stepson was tentative and quiet. A member of the staff gave us a brief tour of the facility, which included a look at the 2′ x 2′ lockers where shelter residents store their belongings. "Imagine if you had to fit everything you owned into one of these-what would you keep?" the staff member asked my stepson. He could only shake his head at the thought.
The dinner we served was met with appreciation by all of the gracious women at the shelter, but the item that received the most praise were the cupcakes that my stepson had planned, baked, and frosted himself. Each compliment on the homemade dessert put a bashful smile on his face. Later, he would marvel at how something as simple as a cupcake could brighten someone's day.
"Volunteering is a great opportunity for youth and teens, as well as for the community," says Yvonne Anderson, community development director at the YMCA, where they offer programs designed to promote civic engagement in teens. "We often see kids take away great experiences from helping people."
Volunteering can give teens a sense of perspective during what is often a very self-involved period of their lives. It can also build self-confidence in teens by letting them see the positive difference their actions make. Not surprisingly, getting kids involved in community service early also increases the chances that they will volunteer as adults.
There may even be a link between youth volunteerism and academic achievement, according to the 2003 Gallup Organization Youth Survey, which found that teens scoring above average grades in school were nearly twice as likely to be involved in a charity or social service activity as those whose class standing was average or lower. Many high schools are now making community service a graduation requirement.
So how can you encourage your teenager to get involved?
Make it fun. Invite a friend or make it a family affair. This will make volunteering seem less like work and more like a social activity. Having familiar faces around can also help ease the anxiety that can accompany new situations and meeting new kinds of people.
Make it flexible. Don't make a six-month commitment right off the bat. Choose activities that only require a small block of time at first so your teen can decide whether it's something he or she wants to pursue. Remember, it's not quantity, but quality that counts.
Make it matter. When choosing a volunteer opportunity with your teen, take his or her interests into account. If your child loves dogs, for example, try volunteering at an animal shelter. Or, if your family has been touched by cancer, look for opportunities to help cancer patients. Teens are much more likely to invest themselves in a particular cause or activity if they have an underlying interest in it.
Talk it over. Once your teen has actually participated in a volunteer activity, make sure you take the time to talk to him or her about it afterward. "What makes most volunteer experiences successful is reflection," says Anderson. Whether it's a casual chat on the car ride home or over pizza that evening, ensuring that your teen has a chance to describe and reflect on his or her experience is what will make it meaningful.
Katharine Kelly is a local writer, mom to Aidan and Owen, 21 months, and stepmom to Anthony, 13.
