Since childhood, Cara Partington has lived with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, ADHD, and anxiety disorder. At 15 years old, she was diagnosed with an eating disorder and went to an inpatient treatment center. It was there Cara came to realize that her behaviors were masking a real and different issue. She was lesbian. Cara, now 21, is a healthy, ambitious college student. Her mother, Marsha Partington, shared her experience of parenting a child with potentially debilitating challenges in her essay “Meeting Ed,” which was recently published in the anthology Easy to Love, but Hard to Raise.
What advice do you have for parents raising children with challenges?
Parenting is a gift and a huge responsibility. It is our job to pay close attention to our children’s behavior. Because I know my daughter so well, I knew something was very wrong even when no one else did. While she was in the hospital, I took every opportunity to meet with each specialist involved in her care. I wanted to learn more about the disease, how to combat it, and how to support my daughter. Patients under 18 years old are minors, so doctors considered it a family disease. Adolescents with parental involvement have much better odds for a complete recovery. It is essential for parents to make their children’s health their priority, doing whatever it takes to help them.
As a parent, what have you done to show Cara that you support her and her life choices?
It’s often the little things that have the largest effect. Once during middle school, Cara called me at work, feeling depressed. She said, “I can’t believe that you don’t just give up on me.” On my way home, I stopped by a construction site and picked up a few rocks. When I arrived, I put them in a gift box along with a note that that read/ “These rocks are hundreds of years old. That’s how long it will take for me to give up on you.” The rocks became a concrete symbol for Cara of my unwavering love and support. Often she still carries one or two in her pocket at an interview or a big exam.
What if you don’t agree with your child’s decisions?
Cara’s life certainly is different than I imagined. However, our children aren’t born to fulfill the dreams we have for them. By accepting the choices my child makes, I continue to be an integral part of her life. She deserves to live as fully and authentically as she can. I get to participate from the sidelines, sharing the joy of her achievements. I am also there to catch her when she falls. To me, that is being the ultimate parent, helping Cara be the best she can be at whatever she chooses.
You can contact Marsha Partington for further information about Easy to Love, but Hard to Raise at marsha-joy@earthlink.net.
— Valerie Turgeon
